Let them help

I recently had my 15 year high school reunion and I was chatting with one of my classmates who has a son the same age as N, and she said, "your daughter is really advanced for her age." I was a bit taken aback because well on one hand that's great I've got a smart kid, but on the other hand, what does that mean? I asked her and she said that my kid cooks and cleans and helps with stuff. Thankfully our conversation was interrupted because I didn't know how to respond to her. I've since thought about what I should've said and here it goes:

N helps because we ask her to. We involve our child in everything we do. 

There, that's my response. But here's what's been rolling around in my head about it.

My mother works for a Montessori school for 3-6 year olds and she showed me a video when N was born of a family with a toddler who was involved in everything their family did. He cooked dinner with them, he fed their dog, he did the dishes with then, he made lunches with them. And he went to a Montessori school where they encouraged this. One of the subjects in Montessori is Life Skills, where the kids learn how to sweep up a mess into a dustpan, how to wash dishes, how to shine a mirror, how to zip up and down, how to do buttons, how to do all kinds of everyday life skills. 

And after I saw this video, I thought, that was a good idea. So the first thing we did was get a helping tower for the kitchen. (I actually found plans online on how to build your own and a friend built one for us, but you can buy them online) This is a safe enclosed place for N to stand at counter height and help in the kitchen. As soon as we got it, we included N in helping in whatever we were doing in the kitchen and she was thrilled! (I might add that we were doing this already, just with a step stool or chair, but this tower is less nerve-racking for a new mom!

So N helps cook and  do dishes in her tower and is excited to help when its time. She likes being involved in what we are doing. She mixes the pancake mix, she helps make cookies or whatever fun dessert we're making and she loves tasting whatever it is we're cooking. It does take a little longer to do things and usually we make a much bigger mess that if it was just myself or my husband cooking or doing the dishes but I think its important for her to be involved, even if she just turned 2! 

Another thing N does is feed out dog. We started this when she was comfortable enough walking on her own. We were very consistent for several days about making sure she knew it was her chore, making a big deal about it, and doing it several days in a row in the morning and at night. I put together a little video of her doing it as she was learning too. Now, about 9 months later, its to the point where she gets mad if we do her chore instead of her!

We try to have things at her height so she feels empowered to do things. Like we have several coat hooks at her height for her to hang her coat on when she's done with it or get it on her own when we're ready to leave the house. We also have a shelf in the pantry that's her shelf with her snacks on it (and where the dog food is for her chore) so she knows she can go in and get anything on that shelf to eat if she's hungry, whenever she wants (she knows not to eat the dog food).

So in a sense I guess my kid is smart or advanced for her age, but every kid pretends to play with pots and pans or dustpan and broom, because that's what they see us as parents doing. And they look up to us and want to be like us and do what we do, so why not involve them in what you're doing? It might take a little more energy and effort on your part as a parent, but then you get to enjoy the company of your kid while you're doing your chores and you have fun and then they don't seem like chores anymore.

 I'm not trying to toot my own horn and say I'm the best parent out there. There are plenty of things I look back on and say, I could have done that better, and yes I have a weakness for letting N watch Sesame Street in the morning so I can get one more hour of sleep. (TV is a whole other kettle of fish - we only just  recently let N watch TV and she only watches Sesame Street, but that's for another day) I think some of the reason I want to involve her is that as a full time working parent I feel guilty that we leave her in day care all day and when we get home we want to spend time with her, but we also have to do things like cook dinner, do the dishes, make lunches for the next day. So this way N feels helpful and gets to learn and gets to spend time with her parents all at the same time! So it's really a win win all the way a round here!